Living in torment and exquisite pain.

I'd like to write something happy,
But I do not find the need,
When all I see is bleakness,
And darkness is all I heed.

The light in my life is gone somehow,
Vanished without a trace,
Leaving me so hollow inside,
No smile upon my face.

The night is my only ally,
A friend that never leaves.
And if I were to perish tomorrow,
It'd be the only one that grieves.

My loss would be insignificant;
My life itself's mundane.
What purpose do I have on this Earth,
On this, or any other plane?

Am I here just taking up space,
Interacting but not in the fold?
Do my actions mean anything?
Are there feelings in this heart grown cold?

Is there any of my humanity left,
Or just threads where it was torn away?
I blend in so well, yet I am different,
If only in unnoticeable ways.

I drift through a life with no destination,
Just a driving force in my mind.
I find myself drawn to the luscious mortals,
Just like others of my kind.

And the atrocities that I commit,
Necessary as they may be,
Really don't seem to have an impact,
Except to satisfy me.

So how can a world keep on living,
With this lurking right under its nose?
And how long must I persevere,
Before someone finally knows,

What it is that I must go through,
The losses I have braved.
Your soul be damned if you want this,
For I'm beyond being saved.

Yet salvation is what I dream of,
An unreachable goal I cannot attain.
I'm doomed to wander this Earth forever,
Living in torment and exquisite pain.

I experience both a curse and a gift;
My life's a conflict of opposing themes.
All around there's only blackness;
Yet, in rare moments, there are the dreams.

I see them every time I feed,
And I see them in my mind's eye.
I see them in every person that lives,
And see it extinguished in those that die.

And here I am, suspended between,
These two colossal fighting foes.
I continue walking this blurred line.
On and on the battle goes.